A love not yet forgotten

On Sunday it was just a stroll through the normal motions. Check this, click there, share there, snoop here. Pulled in by anger brings memories of love. Am I wrong to believe I might have one this to you. Expectations way too high emotions way to controlling love way to strong. So I write in pure curiosity with the hope that maybe we could be like we use to be maybe more . I write with hesitation in my fingers to afraid to press enter. I can't let this rage back in , something that engulf in me soothes me when its there and destroys me when its gone. If only I could have closed the manifestation of the only known road I had to getting back to you I wouldn't be here second guessing , typing, hoping , wishing , I would receive a sign telling me you are not there with that other chick while I'm staring at these keys waiting for you to call back. I can't eat barely can sleep, except for the first night, its always that first night where you make me feel just right. But as the days linger on your scent disappears , your name fades in and out but never when I need it. This must be my punishment to pull be back into the depression of embarrassment. How dare someone know how dare anyone know. I wish I could breath again , I just want to breath again. waiting for the shoe to drop my heart to stop and tears to fall.

I'm sorry for letting you down we had a good thing going on and going strong I am sorry this weekend we will get back to you because thats all that is true.

Loving isn't so Simple

I love my John with all of me but I find myself threatening  to leave and deleting his number every other three days I can't keep going with no passion. A relationship with passion could not make it a day without speaking and I wonder were has that passion gone. Or was it even here. I know I have turned into an emotional freak I care about the way you touch me, the way you hold me, the way you kiss me-- I cry at the feeling of me not being enough for you but more at the thought of someone else being just enough for you. Love -- I shouldn't love I shouldn't love not a soul because I have given a lot and never received anything but a 14k ring , a pearl set , and tons of heart feelings and two broken hearts. John says I ask to much of him  like I want him to be perfect. Answer me this -- is doing the right thing perfect or is the perfect thing right. Either way here I am with his number deleted and waiting on his call.

Boys are so complicated but the world says take them for what they do-- so if he does not call he does not wish to talk-- if you tell him whats wrong and he does not change he does not wish to please you your way. I would say thats why I soon shall seek a man but I have no expectations of them being much of a difference. 

Love 

Tottielove

Summer Time Fine

Summer time is here! The season for no clothes, drive-ins , and sleep ins. Being home from school has me thinking... when is school starting again. I hate waking up having nothing to do. I have made tons of goals, such as read at least three books , lose a couple of pounds, save a life, and so much more. The tv has consumed me my laptop has the handcuffs on tight and my fridge is holding me by my waste . I keep feeling the need to remodel my mother's house from watching HGTV day in and out.

I want to do something that could make me great---something like find a new part of me or create one.

Houston Baby

Vacation vacation vacation. It really wasnt a vacation but a wonderful business trip. To be out the mid-west and in the south is the best transition for me right now. Make a move, take a chance, "carpe diem". I have spent so many years planning my escape from this place that holds all my darkest secrets, my worst nightmares, and my biggest fears. I am not running but taking off these shackles and walking to a brighter future.
I was listening to a song called uncharted and the phrase compare where you are and where you want to be will get you nowhere. That's exactly what i have been doing for the past year or so. I have to make a move, look at where i want to be and get there, that's it.
Looking at the stars from the beach really assured me that this is the move i want to make and my life will always consist of good choices because any choice is a good choice as long as you choose. Your life will always take you throw hard places but its your choice where you want those hard places to occur. Taking risk or sitting at home, breathing day to day or living day to day.

you only have one life many choices and eternal mistakes so take advantage of them all
Carpe Diem
--Michelle Love

Finals Week !!

Yes I have completed. Im so happy that even if i dont get the best grades I am happy to at least try and finished i didnt give up. Life struggles had me down the fall semester but this past spring semester went A LOT BETTER. Still trying to figure out if i will be going to TSU ( Texas Southern ) in the fall or just staying here for another year. I know what the right thing to do would be but that conflicts with what i actually WANT to do. Welp let me finish studying for one of my final finals :] Good evening .


Yes I study, i just take time out to do more complex things . :] peace love & beauty

Life of a Poet : Down As* Bit*h

Down Ass Bitch

I let you consume me, have me, love me
While I stay begging you just don’t hurt me
I stay by your side all through those late nights you don’t come home
I think and rethink about leaving you every other week
There’s just something about you that makes me weak
You got this hold, this claw, your foot on my heart
I let you rip it, fix it, and watch as you tear it right back apart
I let you drag me through these situations
And watch as you stare in my face and swear its not true
I know you been creeping -- my best friend, my cousin
Hell who knows -- you sure wouldn’t care
I have to be stupid to let you back in again
I know you been cheating
Those naked pics sure got me convinced
Got me fighting wit every chick that hit or licked
Cause I’m your down ass bitch --- Right
No need for me to recollect those Polo boots, those Polo shirts
Or the money I helped you pay on your tags
You have given me smiles, laughs, memories…
Tears, heart ache, pain, bruises,
and lets not fail to mention that LITTLE thing you brought back from that ol’ dame
Oh and laughs
So I stay cause I’m your down ass bitch --- Right
I know you got that one girl pregnant
But I’m sure it isn’t yours
Who am I kidding I wouldn’t leave even if it was
Cause I’m your down ass bitch--- Right
I must admit you kind of flipped the script
When you came around wit that new chick
Who cares if we split
You still licky lick and ask to beat the kit
Cause I’m your down ass bitch--- Right
You fucks me up how you want to end this shit
And be all up in my face talking bout Abort the shit
I swear I thought you loved me
Shit, I thought I was your down ass bitch

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